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Iron Skillet Bread

Posted on June 26, 2014 by Susan

They say “Necessity is the mother of invention.” Well…that is just what happened with our Iron Skillet Bread.

One day Tina was needing to prepare a quick, healthy (of course) lunch for her sweet family. The bowl of sourdough was slowly rising and she did not have time to wait on it so she took a small ball of dough, flattened it and tossed it into a hot iron skillet that had some coconut oil in it and fried that piece of dough right up. She served it to David and Willie with their noonday meal. Oh my, yum. The next day she added poppy seeds and another day it was tomato sauce, meat and cheese on top – like a pizza. Wow! We went crazy over this new creation!! Sourdough goodness without all the fuss!

Sourdough bread, because of the long rise time, has many health benefits. Lactic acid is increased which breaks down the phytic acid (a mineral absorption inhibitor) for more mineral availability. The bacteria and yeast in the sourdough culture predigest the starches for better digestibility. Spelt, the grain we use, is an old grain that has a low glycemic index, low gluten, higher levels of protein, thiamine and other B vitamins, and more of all 8 essential amino acids.

We were sold and we got even more creative from there. We made crackers, chips fried in coconut oil or lard, tortillas, sandwich roll ups… the possibilities are endless. We will have more blog post/recipes to come.

So, My Dad & Me Farm is now offering this yummy sourdough-dough right from the freezer on the back porch for you to enjoy making these wonderful goodies. We have done the work of perfecting a starter (sorry, our recipe is Tina’s secret) and rising the dough for 8-12 hours then capturing that in the freezer for easy sourdough goodness.

Just look at the simple process of making Iron Skillet Bread:

Take a small amount of dough, about the size of a golf ball, that has warmed to room temperature.

Place on an oiled surface. We use our formica topped dining room table.

Roll the dough to desired thickness, approximately 1/8″ for chewy and even thinner for crispy.

Sprinkle with sesame seeds or poppy seeds.

Roll the seeds into the dough.

: Gently,

: pull up your dough.

: This is easy with a well oiled surface.

Place it on a well greased, preheated iron skillet.

Cook until both sides are gently browned.

Cook 3-5 minutes on each side until gently browned. One package will make approximately 8 iron skillet flat-breads.

Enjoy!

We found that a moderately hot skillet makes a more crispy bread and lower heat will keep it softer and more flexible. We have used these for hamburger buns or chicken sandwiches. Sometimes we will spread them with homemade yogurt cheese flavored with herbs or with a salad on top or even with tacos. Use your imagination!

And now for the official taste test, performed by our official taste tester, Willie:

Willie says, “Yum, yum, yum!”

Stop by the farm and pick up some Iron Skillet Bread from the freezer. Starting Saturday, June 28th, Anna and Tina will be handing out samples for you to try. See ya at the farm!

Posted in Recipes | Tagged dough, iron skillet bread, sourdough | Leave a comment

Healing the Land – Snapshot 1

Posted on June 23, 2014 by David

I first read Joel Salatin over six years ago in his classic book Salad Bar Beef. Joel’s passionate writing and infectious attitude about farming has changed a lot in my life.

One of the most profound aspects of his message is about healing the land. Farming does not have to be a ‘gimme gimme’ approach to managing the land; it can take rough, worn out farmland or neglected overgrown acres and put them into production with models of management that improve the soil, heal the environment, raise nutrient-dense, healthy food, and make a farmer a living all at the same time!

Our neighbor allowed us to start grazing his pasture that adjoins us on the west two years ago. He had grown crops on it many years ago and now it has been bush-hogged twice a year since. The land was not abused by any means, but the pasture grass was thin fescue and wildflowers, not a stitch of luscious crabgrass or bermuda to be found. Just this year, Larry has allowed us to add broilers to his land, and with this wet spring the land is improving by leaps and bounds!

We graded off some really rough terraces last fall and planted winter rye and crimson clover over the whole pasture. This has been some good grazing for the cows this spring – I even pulled one stem of ryegrass straight & tall and touched my chin with it! Previously, his pasture would mature at about two feet to thirty inches. But the real healing has come underneath the ryegrass, after the cows really laid down a lot of the tall ryegrass as soil-building thatch and after the broilers have been moved through. Check out these pictures for a glimpse of fresh crabgrass coming through the heavy thatch.

Can you see the heavy stripes of nitrogen from the chicken manure directly around the trough feeders for the broilers?

There’s a lot to managing the animals in a way that heals the land but the rewards are awe-inspiring. I didn’t plant any crabgrass and I didn’t pay for ammonium nitrate but the proof of God’s healing mechanism at work is in the luscious grass and all the fresh, fantastic milk our Jersey girls are making!

Posted in Healing the Land | Tagged farming, grass, pasture | Leave a comment

Mint Chocolate Chunk Ice Cream

Posted on June 19, 2014 by Anna

One of the many advantages to having dairy cows includes experimenting with plenty of homemade ice cream recipes. Today Anna has an amazing Mint Chocolate Chunk ice cream recipe to share with you. Believe me when I tell you everyone is happy when she whips up a batch of this frozen treat. Give it a try! Crank up the ice cream freezer and get ready for some family fun this weekend!

~Leah

Ice cream base:

3 cups Cream
1 cup Milk
1/3 cup Honey
1/4 teaspoon Salt
2 Eggs
Heaping 1/4 teaspoon Spirulina- or more or less to your liking (Here is where we purchase our spirulina. Check out the amazing health benefits of this little fresh water plant. Not only do you get to turn your ice cream a beautiful minty green without the damaging effects of food dyes, you are actually doing your body good by eating this delicious treat!)
20 drops Peppermint essential oil (this is not quite an 1/8 of a teaspoon, do a full 1/8th if you want it extra peppermint-y!)
1/2 teaspoon vanilla

Whisk eggs into a bowl and then add your cream, milk, honey, salt, spirulina and peppermint.

Pour the mixture into an ice cream maker or, if you don’t have one you could make it just as easily in your freezer by putting the mixture into a bowl and stirring every 30 or so minutes until frozen.

Once your ice cream is finished, it needs to sit in the freezer for a little while to get good and frozen (but stir it every so often so it doesn’t get rock solid)

While you’re waiting on your ice cream, start the chocolate sauce.

Chocolate sauce:
1/4 cup Butter
1/4 cup Cocoa butter
1/2 cup Honey
3/4 cup Raw cacao powder
1/4 cup Water
1/4 cup Cream
1/2 teaspoon Salt
1 teaspoon Vanilla

Melt your butter and cocoa butter (or you could use all butter, but the cocoa butter gives it an extra chocolate flavor) in a saucepan.

Add remaining ingredients and whisk on medium low heat until it bubbles and thickens. Let cool.

Once the chocolate sauce is completely cool, spread on top of the ice cream and put it back in the freezer until the chocolate sauce is fully hardened. Stir in to create chunks of chocolate, then repeat until the chocolate is gone.

Place back in the freezer till ready to eat-if you can wait!

For those that like to print their recipes, here’s the recipe without the pictures:

Mint Chocolate Chunk Ice Cream

Ice cream base:

3 cups Cream

1 cup Milk

1/3 cup Honey

1/4 teaspoon Salt

2 Eggs

Heaping 1/4 teaspoon Spirulina

20 drops Peppermint essential oil (this is not quite an 1/8 of a teaspoon, do a full 1/8th if you want it extra peppermint-y!)

1/2 teaspoon vanilla

Whisk eggs into a bowl and then add your cream, milk, salt, spirulina and peppermint.

Pour the mixture into an ice cream maker.

Once your ice cream is finished, transfer to bowl and sit in freezer (stirring every so often to keep it spreadable).

Chocolate sauce:

1/4 cup Butter

1/4 cup Cocoa butter

1/2 cup Honey

3/4 cup Raw cacao powder

1/4 cup Water

1/4 cup Cream

1/2 teaspoon Salt

1 teaspoon Vanilla

Melt your butter and cocoa butter (or you could use all butter, but the cocoa butter gives it an extra chocolate flavor) in a saucepan.

Add remaining ingredients and whisk on medium low heat until it bubbles and thickens. Let cool.

~Leah and Anna

Posted in Dessert, Recipes | Tagged chocolate, ice cream, peppermint | 5 Comments

Why Do We Work?

Posted on June 11, 2014 by Daniel

Why do we work? On the surface, this seems to be a very simple question to answer. But with the modern day leaders that we have accumulated in accordance with our own desires, this basic activity we call work has become misunderstood by many Christians. We have been taught by these spiritual superstars, who have enriched themselves with the false message that we work to be debt free and to build wealth for retirement.

Where as this may be what we want to hear, this is a gross distortion of what God’s Word actually teaches. In Deuteronomy 15:8, God instructs His people to lend to the needy among them. If the goal were to be debt free then God would have never commanded us to aid in the destruction of our fellow believers by lending to them therefore causing them to be indebted. Being poor and having to have debt because of true need is not a sin. I am not suggesting we go look for debt or that we should be undisciplined in our financial affairs but, neither are we taught by God to make it our life’s ambition to never experience debt.

As for the building of wealth as our life goal, God has this to say in James 5:1-3 “Come now, you rich, weep and howl for your miseries which are coming upon you. Your riches have rotted and garments have become moth eaten. Your gold and your silver have rusted and their rust will be a witness against you and will consume your flesh like fire. It is in the last days that you have stored up your treasure.”

The obvious question then is: If we do not work in order to avoid debt or to build wealth for retirement then, why do we work?

In God’s Word, we see four basic reasons for work. In Genesis 1:28, God charges Adam and Eve to, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

We are further told in Genesis 2:8 that, “The Lord planted a garden toward the east in Eden; and there He placed the man He had formed.” And in Genesis 2:15 “The Lord God took the man and put him into the Garden of Eden to cultivate it and keep it.”

So the first reason why we work is ‘because God says so’. God planted the first garden, which He called the Garden of Eden, and He placed man there to cultivate it and keep it.

If we had obeyed His instructions, we would have still had to work but, when we chose to sin, God added a curse to our labors. In Genesis 3:16, the woman, Eve, had a greater level of pain added to her labor of bearing children and in Genesis 3:17-19, Adam received greater pain in his labor of acquiring food by the sweat of his face. God added the thorns and thistles that would now compete with Adam for the growing of his food.

Here God gives us the second reason for work. We work in order to bear the curse that God has added to our labor.

From here we move to the New Testament to find two more reasons God desires us to work. In 1 Thessalonians 4:11 & 12, Paul instructs us to “Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life and attend to your own business and work with your hands, just as we commanded you; so that you may behave properly toward outsiders and not be in any need.”

God’s instruction ‘to work with our hands so that we would not be in any need’ is a reference to God’s children (Christians) not being dependent on the lost. We, Christians, have gone to work for most anyone who will provide us with a paycheck and yet this goes against God’s original intent. We were to be farmers of the earth, sky, and sea gaining our increase from the natural resources God provided. There was no need for government stimulus packages! No unemployment! No excuses to sit home and watch TV.

So the third reason we work is for the purpose of providing for ourselves without being dependent on unbelievers. Believers were instructed to help others in need but the Christians were not to look to the lost for their sustenance.

If we ignore this principle then we water down our witness to the lost world as well as live in disobedience to God’s command. What kind of God do we serve that cannot provide for His own without being reliant on the unbeliever?

The fourth and final reason that God gives us for working is found in Ephesians 4:28. Ironically, God speaking through Paul, is addressing thieves here but, the instruction certainly applies to us sinners as well. God tells us once more to labor with our hands but then He goes on to tell us why, ‘so we may have something to share with him who has need.’

So our fourth and final reason for working is in order to have something to share.

If we accept these four reasons God gives for work then it seems we in America have missed the mark considerably. If God tells us to work ’till we return to the ground’ (our earthly bodies will undergo decay – our spirit will live on forever) then who gave us the right to stop working? Retirement is not in the Bible because: Work is an act of obedience not just a means for provision.

God never condones a time to cease from working. We are to work because God says so, because God gave us the curse to experience in our work, to keep from being in need of the unbeliever, and finally, in order to have something to share. If we are able-bodied, we are given six days to labor. The land is waiting; let’s get to work!

Posted in Working on the Farm | Tagged retirement, work | 11 Comments

Hand Carved Independence

Posted on June 7, 2014 by David

Hand Carved Spreaders are an example of sloyd and a chance to work our way out of dependence on plastics and the global economy!

I’ve always enjoyed woodworking. My dad made me a small workbench and gave me a hammer and nails to practice with for my fifth birthday, so it’s been a long-time love affair. But as we hurtle towards the edge of a rather steep cliff as a country, piling on the trillions of debt (does anybody understand how much a trillion of anything really is?), and outsourcing the production of our toothbrushes, tennis shoes and food fabrication, I’m making hand carved wooden spreaders. The importance of wooden items in our daily lives has long since been lost. Why use wooden utensils or eat off a wooden plate when you can have Chinese China and plastic plates leaching into our hand-made, home-cooked, locally grown meals? I mean, money might not grow on trees, but just guess what does!?

On a more serious note, sloyd is a fascinating word derived from the Swedish word Slöjd, which means handicraft. There is a rich tradition of hand carved wooden kitchen utensils from Sweden and I’ve enjoyed a hobby level study of the craft. This link will give you a plethora of images of the Master Sloyder Wille Sundqvist and his work. I’ve invested in the tools required to take branches and small trees and turn them into the useful items we need for eating and cooking. There’s a lot of complicated technology being promoted as “sustainable” these days, but I think we’re way off track. Sustainability is a very simple thing really: a few tools and bit of skill along with wood that is usually run through a chipper, and the combination of these things can provide for some of the most basic needs my wife, my kids and I have – plates to eat off of, spoons to get the food from a wooden bowl into our mouth, a few ladles and spatulas. Do we really understand what we’ve done by living a life in which we must buy everything we need (rather than make it our self)? And now we’ve outsourced all these items to be made a little cheaper in a foreign country, as if paying someone else to make everything we need wasn’t a fragile enough system! Are we really rich enough in this country to pay a whole slew of full-time employees to grow our food and to produce all the little daily items we are greatly dependent on?

Here’s a run down in words and pictures on the process of making an all-purpose, hand carved wooden spreader. My sister made me a sign and these spreaders are now for sale on our back porch at the farm. And yes, I realize the potential contradiction: what’s so different about me selling you a hand carved spreader, rather than buying one Made In China? Certainly that’s a voluminous subject but one reason is similar to buying your food locally – it leaves the money here at home, where it can bounce back and forth between neighbors as a means of simple transactions, rather than using those same dollars to further the complicated, greed-driven global economy. We would do well to produce everything we can ourselves, but a little bit of the old-time village where we could trade with the local butcher, baker and candlestick maker is far more resilient to global disaster than our current economic situation.

On to the process. The first tool you need is some kind of saw. Right now I use a folding hand saw, although I’m in the middle of restoring a vintage American buck saw, which is what old time farmers would have used to convert dead limbs and such into firewood to heat their homes.

Now I take a froe and club and split the wood into pieces large enough for a spreader. Using the froe, as opposed to a saw, allows me to exploit the weakness in the wood – the fact that a sharp blow with a wedge-shaped tool will split it into pieces – to gain the strength of wood in a small item like a spreader. The strength of wood is having the long fibers run the full length of the spreader. Think of wood as a bundle of soda straws. Splitting a handful of straws down the length of them is very easy, but their strength is obvious if you take that handful of straws and try to break them in half.

After the froe comes the carving axe. Any type of hatchet can hack wood off, but I’ve got an axe that Wille Sundqvist designed and the fine company Gransfors Bruks produces. It’s broad, curved bit and beard make it ideal for the carving of wooden utensils. The axe shapes the blank into a relatively flat piece, ready for laying out the outline of the spreader.

The axe and a bow saw quickly shape the outline.

Then I’m ready for the sloyd or knife work. The knife on the left is a large Svante Djärv which is great for the initial cuts that are needed to smooth out the rough axe work. The knife on the right is made by Del Stubbs of Pinewood Forge in Minnesota. He’s the premier tool maker for the growing sloyd movement in the United States.

After the knife work, the spreader takes a little bath in cold pressed organic flax oil. Woodenware should not be washed in the dishwasher because of the heat; warm water and little mild soap is all you need to clean it after use. A little flax oil periodically also helps develop that patina that only a well used, well-worn wooden item can.

Then, the spreader gets branded with a hot iron which stamps “My Dad & Me.”

Here are the spreaders displayed on our porch and the sign my sister made – isn’t it great? What do you think of our wooden spreaders and Anna’s hand drawn sign? And what do you think about our dependence on a complicated global economy for our every need?

Posted in Hand Carved Woodenware, Woodworking | Tagged hand carved, sloyd, wille sundqvist | 16 Comments

Growing Up a Farm Girl

Posted on June 5, 2014 by Ellie

Howdy! I’m the newest farm helper here at My Dad & Me Family Farm. Well, I will be a helper soon…at least that’s what Mama tells me. I was born right here on the farm on January 16th and I’m loving farm life!

Preparing to be a good farm hand is hard work. For me, it’s begun by learning how to roll over and by watching Papa, Mama, & my big brother Willie doing their chores each day. Baby chicks, bunnies, laying hens, rabbits, cows, and calves; oh my, so many animals to watch but, I’ll save those for later posts.

A farm is a great place for a little girl like me to grow up. There’s so many exciting things to see and do (hopefully one day very soon). My family is all right there, working happily together and getting to eat the very best food that God has grown in our gardens.

Did you know that grass and clover is most interesting up close? There are flowers, leaves, bugs, dirt, and oh, did you know it all tastes pretty good, too? A few extra greens, a little more protein, and a load of probiotics makes a farm girl strong, tough, healthy, and ready for hard work, right?

Farming is often pretty hard work and requires a good many naps. Sleeping in Mama’s arms can’t be beat and gets me ready for the next exciting bit of farm learning.

Posted in Kids on the Farm | Tagged farm girl | 4 Comments

Honey Bee Swarm!

Posted on May 31, 2014 by David

Honeybees are among the most amazing miracles of a working farm. Cows eating a sunshine driven, regenerative food like grass and making such delicious milk, or pigs eating the scraps and left-overs from the whole farm and turning it into bacon are surely some of the more note-worthy homestead marvels. But the honey bee colony is a mind-numbing nebulous of life, and one of their most fascinating aspects popped up just the other day: a swarm of bees! If you didn’t know what was happening, it’s a bit frightening to look up and see a cloud filling the air with what looks like a violent, very upset group of airborne stingers. In reality though, a swarm is a very specific action and nothing about it is mad or angry. A hive that produces a swarm has simply run out of room, created a new queen, and the old queen must leave. She takes a great many of the worker bees with her to find a new home.

After a few minutes of aimless buzzing around the queen will find a place to gather and wait for worker bees to hunt for a new home. All the bees begin to rapidly gather around the queen wherever she lands – this is often on a bush or high up on a tree limb, but today the queen picked a fence post!

Nice and low to the ground at least. I’ve caught dozens of swarms and catching them in a five gallon bucket tied to the end of a 20’ pole is tricky! The idea is to capture the bees in a bucket, quickly put the lid on, and then literally pour the bees into an empty hive. When a swarm is on something fixed like a fence post, I just take a brush and sweep the bees in a great big ball right into my bucket.

Check out this little video of me sweeping the bees into my bucket, then placing them into their new hive:

This fence post was easy to get to, but the queen proved hard to get. It’s a good idea to get as many of the worker bees as you can in the bucket, but the only bee that matters is the queen. Once you put her in the empty hive, all the worker bees will follow her pheromone and in the matter of a half hour or so they’ll all end up in the new hive. I’ve managed to capture a few swarms in one grab, but this one must have taken me a dozen trips back and forth with my bucket to successfully capture the queen bee.

We’ll see how this new hive fairs. Ninety-nine percent of the time you won’t get any honey to harvest the first year from a swarm, but next year maybe we’ll rob a little of God’s amazing, insect produced goodness!

Posted in Farm Animals | Tagged bees, honey, swarm | 7 Comments

Three Minute Chicken

Posted on May 26, 2014 by Susan

This year we started raising Freedom Ranger chickens. These birds originate from France and are called Poulet Rouge. They are held to a high standard of taste & quality and you can surely taste the difference. Check out this video that we’ve put together on the simplest way to cook a very delicious, whole chicken. Give it a try – you won’t be disappointed!

Posted in Main Dishes, Meat, Recipes | Tagged Chicken | 7 Comments

Flourless Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies

Posted on May 16, 2014 by Anna

This recipe is something my sister, Leah, came up with for Easter. The coconut sugar gives them exactly the texture you want in a cookie. Chewy, peanut buttery, chocolatey and delicious- you can’t beat that! 😉 Plus, they’re really quick and easy to put together. Go try them out!

1/2 c. Peanut butter

1/2 c. Almond butter (or any other nut butter you wanted to use!)

1 c. Coconut sugar

2 Eggs

1/2 tsp Baking soda

1 tsp Vanilla

1 c. Chocolate chips

Combine nut butters and mix in coconut sugar. Stir in eggs, then baking soda and vanilla. Add in chocolate chips (don’t over mix). Drop onto pan by spoonfuls. Bake at 350 for 5-8 min.

Posted in Dessert, Gluten-free, Recipes | Tagged cookies, gluten-free | 3 Comments

Anthology of Embellished Memories Sketch #2 – “Shy Sensitive Person”

Posted on May 15, 2014 by Daniel

Last year I went to play at the Bluebird Cafe in Nashville. I was all excited to have the opportunity to play in Nashville cause I know a lot of great musicians play there and that kinda made me feel like I was great too. Well, the Bluebird Cafe had experienced some fire damage the night before when some guy with a purple mohawk tried to make his guitar do something it did not want to do and it exploded and caught his hair on fire and burned up half the stage.

So, when I got there they were herding all us players and singers and just plain ole listeners over to the local grammar school and into the school auditorium. I was first up on the evening docket and so I climbed up on the stage there at the grammar school just a little nervous since I am a shy, sensitive person.

I decided to start off with a little story to warm up the crowd and so I did since I was thinkin I would and it was goin really smooth and I was about half way through my story when this guy in the back stood up and said, “Ah man, I didn’t come out to hear a story, I came out to hear songs.” That’s what he said and it kinda hurt my feelings since I am really a shy, sensitive person. But I decided to ignore him and continue with my story cause that’s what I was planning on doing.

I started off again by telling everybody that I had an almost true story that I’d like to share and the same guy came out of his chair again and kinda went ballistic and said, “Man, what are you talking about. What’s an almost true story? I mean, I want a story to either be true or not and if it’s something in between then I’d like to know where the true part meets up with the lies. It’s like if I go home to my girl and start telling some story I don’t want to be made a fool of when my girl asks if this really happened!”

Well, being a shy, sensitive person this really upset me and even though I was having a hard time ignoring this guy I decided to plow forward and start my story again. And I did since that’s what I was planning on doing and since I am a shy, sensitive person I felt most comfortable doing that. So, I began again by saying I’d like to share a story that’s not quite a lie and the same guy was out of his seat again. He said, “Man, what’s a ‘not quite a lie’? That sounds a lot like a story that’s almost true. Man, you’re messin with me and I don’t like being messed with! Can’t you just tell the truth man?”

I responded by telling him that I couldn’t decipher from my story which part was true and which part was false because I hadn’t been there when it happened. Well, this really upset the guy in the back and he said, “If you weren’t there when it happened, then how do you know that anything you are saying is true?”

So, I went on to explain to him that since I wasn’t there when it happened I couldn’t be sure that it didn’t happen and so that is why my story is a story that is almost true or not quite a lie whichever version he’d like to hear. He then got really upset and said he didn’t want to hear either version he had just come to hear some music.

Well, by now I was getting pretty upset myself, being a shy, sensitive person and so I just asked the guy why he had paid to come see me if he didn’t want to hear my story. Well this sent the guy in the back into orbit and he was jumping around and saying stuff under his breath that I can’t say here and then he blurted out, “Man, you know this ain’t no paying gig! I got in here for free. You know it didn’t cost me nothing.” And so, being a shy, sensitive person I just gave him a loving glare and said to him,”Well, what’s your problem, man? You got your money’s worth!”

Well, this kinda shut up the guy in the back, but by now my being a shy, sensitive person, I was wondering if I would even be able to sing my first song since I had been so insulted being shy and sensitive and all and I was kinda nervous but I decided I would try it.

So I asked if anyone would like to hear a song and some girl on the front row said she would and me being a shy sensitive person, this kinda hurt me cause I knew what she was really saying was she didn’t like my story. And this really cut me deep. I mean all the way to the bone. I mean marrow aching, to the bone kinda deep.

And so I just asked her why she didn’t like my story. I don’t think she heard me though because she just grinned at me so I decided to forget the whole thing and just sing my first song anyway.

So I sang my first song cause that is what I decided to do and it was one of those sensitive songs that a shy, sensitive person might sing. And when I got all through singing it I noticed that the girl in the front row was crying. Well, I wasn’t sure why she was crying so I asked her why she was crying and this made her cry even more because obviously she was a shy, sensitive person like me and being called out about crying upset her real bad.

But, even though she was obviously shaken, being shy and sensitive, she did respond to my question. She proceeded to answer me in a soft, melancholy voice, “That song was so tender and sweet, and it just really touched me after you told that goofy story.” Well that was the only siginificant thing I heard. When she said goofy story I was torn up and I confronted her right then and there, on the spot, at that moment and asked her what was goofy about my story. She said she didn’t mean to be rude but the song was so special and touching it just didn’t seem to be a good preamble to tell such a goofy story first.

By now, since I am shy and sensitive, I am starting to cry too and the tears were rolling out of the corners of my eyes and I am trying to catch them with my fingers and my fingers are dripping tears all over the floor and it is getting kinda slippery and I’m afraid I might fall if I do too much moving around so, I am trying to stay as still as possible.

So we’re both crying a lot and it is getting real wet up here on the stage and it is getting real wet on the floor too by the girl in the front row and all the other folks that came out to hear a little music are starting to get a little teary-eyed too watching two shy sensitive people crying all over the floor and everything.

I decided it might be a good time to sing another song and try to get myself out of this soggy mess and so I did and everything was going real good too until the guy in the back, yea, I mean the same guy in the back that accused me of messing with him because I told a short story before my first song cause I decided I would, well that same guy stood up again and said, “Hey man, why don’t you tell another story?”

Well this really cut me deep, being a shy sensitive person knowing that he obviously didn’t like my song, so, I decided to confront him right then and there on the spot so I took a step forward to get closer to the mic in order to add power to my rebuke and when I did, I tripped over the microphone cord.

I told you how slippery it had gotten up here with all those tears coming out of the corner of my eyes and everything. Well, I tripped on the cord and went flying off the stage. Me and my Martin guitar were airborne like no Ranger has ever experienced. And when I landed I found myself slap dab in the middle of the lap of that poor woman in the front row. You know, the crying woman who is a shy, sensitive person like me, so now there are two shy, sensitive people and my Martin guitar, all occupying the same space in the auditorium of the local grammar school.

I quickly discovered that when I landed, the sixth string on my guitar snapped. I mean it snapped in two. Now I’ve never broken a sixth string before. I don’t even know of anyone that has ever broken a sixth string before and for a guy that plays non-paying gigs this was a serious matter. I mean strings cost money and for a musician doing non-paying gigs, money is hard to come by. I keep one extra string with me in my guitar case and that is a fourth string cause that is the string you’re supposed to break. But nobody breaks a sixth string. A sixth string should last for years. I mean it loses a little something after the first six months or so and I have to clean off the green moldy gunk every so often but you don’t break a sixth string.

I wasn’t really sure of the significance of breaking a sixth string but I was quite sure it wasn’t good. And while I was agonizing over the loss of my sixth string, the owner of the Bluebird cafe came over to untangle me and my Martin guitar, with the broken sixth string, from the shy, sensitive woman in the front row who is now crying profusely.

After careful examination from all parties including the security guard, who has now gotten involved, it is discovered that she, the girl in the front row, the shy, sensitive one is found to be suffering from a severely bruised ego and is threatening to sue something or someone, depending on who has got the most money. And since I’m the one in the closest proximity to her, the threats seemed to be primarily aimed at me or at least someone who looks a lot like me.

Well, the security guard decided that someone needed to be arrested and since no one else was volunteering, he figured I would do so he proceeded to arrest me and charge me with assault and battery. Now I’ve never been arrested for assault and battery but the security guard assured me that that was not a problem and he proceeded to handcuff me and impound my guitar along with what was left of the broken sixth string.

The security guard was nice enough to call one of his patrol buddies who was in turn nice enough to offer me a ride to the station where they held me for questioning and after a very special meet and greet time, they suggested that I sign a dozen or so documents in triplicate and decided to release me to my own recognizance. And since I wasn’t sure exactly what that meant, I agreed to the arrangement without misgivings and headed home.

Well, I got home just before the sun came up and just as I was about to doze off to sleep, the doorbell rang. I figured since I hadn’t had any sleep all night, that there would be no harm in putting it off a little longer and so I climbed out of bed to answer the door. By now someone was rapping on the door refusing to wait for the doorbell to do it’s job and my being a shy, sensitive person this kinda upset me and so when I opened the door I was not my usual cordial self.

I swung open the door and I could not believe my eyes. There on my front stoop was the guy in the back at the Bluebird Cafe. You know, the guy that accused me of messing with him because I told a little story before my first song. Well, the guy is holding something in his hand and he reaches out and hands it to me and says, “Man, I brought you something.”

So I took it from his hand and unwrapped the tattered packaging and inside was a Martin guitar string. You know, the big fat wound one that occupies the sixth spot on the guitar. Before I could respond he spoke up and said, “I’m sorry man, I couldn’t afford a new string but this one is almost like new. I put it on my guitar about six months ago.”

Well, I took one look at that old string that appeared to be deader than an egyptian mummy and just smiled at the guy. I was back in business, for at least a couple of years or so.

Well…you know that guy…that one that accused me of messing with him cause I told a story that wasn’t quite true before my first song…well… that guys name is Todd Johnson and last week, he was the best man at my wedding. You know, I discovered something, he is really just a shy, sensitive person.

Oh, and by the way, for a wedding gift, he bought me a brand-spanking new set of Martin guitar strings…I mean with the mint luster and everything and it made me cry like a baby. I guess that’s just the way it goes when you’re a shy, sensitive person.

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